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Last Updated: 8/23/07
I thought it would be fun to have a pond fun page! If you have any pond jokes, puzzles, riddles, crossword puzzles, connect-the-dots, funny stories, funny photos, etc. that I can add to this page, please contact me. I have encountered many but they are always copyrighted so if you send me one, be sure either you hold the copyright, it is copyright free, or the copyright holder has given his or her permission. Links to web sites with funny pond sites are also welcome. There are a few old jokes I made in my 2001 pond newsletters but they are not really funny! The best ones are below. Thanks for any input!
New from my interactive page!
Here is a short story where you fill in a few words to make it your own weird version. We did this as kids, and the laughing was painful!:
Froggyville - some fun frog stuff.
Here are the best fun pond stories and jokes from my old newsletters:
My brother came up with the following list after spending time with me tending my ponds.
Famous last words of ponders to their pond life-
1. What's the crunchy, cracking sound I hear when I walk in the pond? (I step on snails.)
2. The fish look hungry with all that ice on top of them. (I didn't feed them.)
3. What's this business about an underliner? (I don't have one!)
4. It'll be better if we hire a professional to do it. (I did, wrong move.)
I have to add, "Was that a heron?"
Famous last words of ponders-
1. I think it's cool to have piranha in my pond!
2. I can lift this pot out myself. (Sounds like me!)
3. What's a GFI? (I have one.)
4. Watch me feed this koi from my mouth! (Yikes, a koi that eats you! Later, I saw such a koi
in the movie Deuce Bigalow where the main character cares for aquariums and ponds.)
5. The bottom isn't too slippery for me to walk across. (Mine is! Watch me fall on my butt!
Watch my brother laugh!)
6. I can get a good picture of my pond from the roof. (I made my brother take a photo from the
roof but he didn't fall off!)
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My brother jokingly asked how he could set up an "inorganic" pond. But, actually you can do one now. They sell fake floating koi that move in the breeze; fake turtles and frogs; silk water lilies; and fake plants including lilies, lotuses, cattails, water hyacinth, water lettuce, and water iris. There are floating wax water lily candles. These can all be put in a pond with a fountain and bleach in the water. If bleach is maintained, algae will never grow and nothing alive can live. I said to my brother that you could add inorganic Miracle Grow but that the pond would explode when you lit the wax lily candle. He said, "So, I don't need extra lighting then?"
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How many dogs does it take to change a pond filter?
Border Collie: Just me. I'll also upgrade your filter and put in new plumbing.
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you want to clean a pond filter?
Basset Hound: Did you say something?
Poodle: I'll just blow in the border collie's ear, and he'll do it. By the time he finishes with the plumbing, my grooming will be complete.
Shih Tzu: (Fails to respond, continues to bark at squirrels.)
German Shepard: Five. One to hold the filter in place, one to turn the plumbing valves, one to remove the filter, one to clean the filter, and one to bark orders.
Rottweiler: Make me.
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Koi enthusiast: "Something is wrong with my Showa!"
Commoner: "Did you call a plumber?"
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What did the chicken say to the duck after the chicken flew over the pond but the duck wouldn't
fly over the pond?
"What, you're not chicken, are you?"
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Two turtles are sitting by a pond.
EPT: What's your favorite TV show?
RES: Sliders but it was canceled. I thought I'd come unhinged.
(EPT = Eastern Painted Turtle, RES = Red-Eared Slider. I had two indoor goldfish named Quinn and Wade and a koi named Remmy. I still have koi named Maggie and Colin. These were all Sliders characters which was a show having nothing to do with turtles.)
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This joke comes from a Christmas cracker (author unknown). I translated it from French.
"Waiter, do you have frog legs?"
"No sir, I always walk that way."
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Top 10 Pond Addicts New Year's Resolutions (I hope I can keep them!):
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10. I will not take a million photos of the pond.
9. I will stop to pet the frogs.
8. I will not forget to stop and smell the water iris.
7. I will not buy more new pond plants than I have room for.
6. I will repot the water lilies before the pot splits open.
5. I will not buy more fish.
4. I will not fall into the pond.
3. I will not plan another pond.
2. I will not dream of building another pond or of the pond pumping dry.
1. I will not build another pond.
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This "joke" just popped into my head in January 2006. It is not good but I wanted to put it here.
What did the frog say to the cricket when he couldn't see two hops in front of him to eat the cricket? "It's your lucky day. It's froggy out."
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